There's some things I can't go without
by fallandbreakmytalent
Summary: Kurt invites Rachel to a Christmas Eve party, but Finn will be there and she hasn't seen him since they broke up. How will they react to seeing each other, and what will Kurt do to help? Kurtchel friendship fluff with Finchel angst. Probably one-shot.


She woke up to the sound of 'Defying Gravity' playing through her cell phone. Ah, my beloved ringtone, she thought, and fell back asleep. It continued to ring several more times. She ignored it. Wait. What was this madness? I'm Rachel Berry, she thought, I never miss a call! Good god, she must be ill or something. When it rang again, she picked it up immediately, and Kurt's face beamed down at her from the screen. "Hey Kurt," she whispered, her voice hoarse with sleep. She coughed loudly to clear her throat. "Well that was a delightful welcome Rachel, I ring you about 60 times and you have the courtesy to cough and splutter down my ear?" Rachel wasn't sure whether to laugh, or apologise profusely. She opted for the latter.

"I'm sorry Kurt, you know how much I appreciate your calls. What can I do for you?" He chuckled at her apologetic tone, but was flattered all the same. "Actually Rachel, I am just ringing to invite you to a Christmas Eve gathering, at my house tomorrow." Rachel smiled; Kurt did know how to cheer her up. "I would love to, thank you so much! Though I really don't feel that there was any need in highlighting that the party is tomorrow; today is the 23rd Kurt, so a Christmas Eve party would ordinarily be held tomorrow." She laughed, almost too much, but he just sighed and allowed her to revel in her sarcastic glory. "But Rachel, I need your help. As you know, a well-organised gathering is a successful gathering, and I cannot plan such a large operation by myself. Therefore, I need your he-"

"Consider it planned," she replied, cutting him off before he could even finish. Planning was her thing, alright? "Do you want to come round here later, and we can organise a theme, food, drinks, music, the guest list, entertainment..." This time he cut her off. "I'll be round in about an hour. Is that alright? I need to thoroughly moisturise before I even think about leaving the house." He was so predictable, she thought. "Thank you for shutting me up, Kurt; you know how organising an event can send me off on a tangent. And that would be great. So you want me to make you a smoothie for when you get here?" She knew how much he loved her speciality banana and flaxseed smoothies on a morning. "Oh Rachel, you do know how to make a diva happy. I will be there in an hour sharp. Be ready for some serious planning!" They both laughed, excited for the day ahead. "Always. See you soon Kurt."

Just as she reached the high note in Taking Chances, Kurt burst through her kitchen door, and she proceeded to jump so much that she spilt smoothie all down her front. "Since when did you start letting yourself in?" she joked, but deep down she was a little bit angry at Kurt for inadvertently ruining her new penguin jumper. "Since I knocked on your door four times, but your incredibly loud and tuneful rendition of a Celine classic meant that you did not answer." She began to scrub the banana mush from her jumper, and apologised to Kurt. "I'm sorry, but if it makes you feel any better, you've ruined a very valuable piece of my clothing." He smirked, and muttered something about how she should actually be thanking him. "I'm just going to change into something that isn't covered in yoghurt, enjoy your smoothie."

She smiled him one of her signature grins, and he returned the favour. Her smoothies were delicious, he couldn't deny that; he gulped his down rather inelegantly as he took his array of notepads and pens out of his Marc Jacobs tote. She ran back downstairs wearing one of her trademark argyle sweaters – there was no changing some people, he thought. With her, she brought a selection of coloured stationary, and a large piece of white card. "We need to start by storyboarding the proposed events of the night, to make sure that we cover everything and it all goes to pla-" Kurt put his hand over her mouth, otherwise he'd be waiting 3 hours to tell her what he needed to say. He didn't want to tell her, but he had to.

"Rachel, you know this party? Well, it's at my house, right? And well, I don't know if you'd thought about this, but erm, Finn is going to be there. I mean, it's his house too, and whilst I am solely in charge of organising, obviously, he will be attending the party, along with most of the Glee Club. I hope it's okay, I mean, will you be okay?" She looked at him, trying to process his words. How could she be so narrow-minded? Of course Finn was going to be there. It was his house too! She had to go, she couldn't bail now. But it would be so hard. It had been over a week since she had even seen him. "I'll be fine. I will. As long as I have you, and Tina, and Mercedes, and all of my friends around me, I'll be fine." She wanted to talk to him so much, she wanted him to just wrap his arms around her, tell her that he loved her, smile that adorable, awkward smile that he does. She loves him.

Her eyes were fixed on a point, and Kurt sensed that she must be thinking about Finn. "Rachel, of course it will be fine. You need to see him anyway, it's only healthy. We can go out shopping, and you can buy an amazing new outfit, and all of our planning will make it the perfect evening." He took her hands, and silently willed her to be strong. She was Rachel Berry, for goodness' sake! She sighed wearily, as if she was tired of having to be stay strong. "I don't need to buy a new outfit. I like my normal clothes, and Finn likes my normal clothes. And that's all that matters." She didn't care that she had just blatantly acknowledged that she wanted Finn to think she looked good, but apparently Kurt thought nothing of it anyway. Everything, she told herself, will work out the way it is supposed to. She grinned at the resurrection of her confidence and independence. "Let's get started on this planning then Hummel..."

Three smoothies, two packets of Oreos, four notepads and six pink, glittery pens later, they had a menu, a dress code, a playlist and guest list – everyone in Glee, plus Blaine, Kurt's new "friend" from Dalton (Rachel thought it best to save the detailed interrogation about Kurt's love life for later.) As they both simultaneously collapsed on the sofa, and _accidentally_ turned on Barbra's Christmas album, they breathed a huge sigh of relief now that everything was organised. It had only taken seven hours. "Are you sure that you'll be ok with seeing Finn, Rachel?" She sighed, they had been through this a hundred times now. "I don't have any choice, do I? I have to see him. I'll just simply say hello, and be civil. I'm sure he won't want to hear from me, really. Especially not at Christmas."

Kurt gave all the strength he could muster to say what was needed, for the second time that day. "Rachel, I think Finn wants you back. He just doesn't want to give into you. He doesn't want to be the one who takes you back, after what you did," he coughed, realising that he had just blamed Rachel for her own heartbreak. He carried on nonetheless. "He keeps crying, and he's not eating anywhere near as much as he normally does, and, well, he's just not that happy anymore. I'm not saying that you should feel bad, or anything, I-I'm not, it's just I think that he probably does want to see you, and talk to you, and share at least a little part of his Christmas with you, however difficult it may be." A tear fell slowly down Rachel's face, but Kurt had nothing more to say. That was what he believed. She turned away, attempting to regain her composure, then, slowly tilted her head back towards Kurt: "D-do you really t-think that?" Kurt nodded sharply, and she smiled a sad smile. "Well, we'll have to see tomorrow then, won't we?" Kurt leaned over to give her a tight hug. He wanted nothing more than for the two of them to be happy, whether that be together or apart. Though, deep down, he knew he would always have a special place in his heart for the two of them, as a couple.

He stood up. "I'd better get going Rachel; I promised Carole I would paint her nails for her tonight. I'll see you tomorrow. Be round for about 6." Rachel nodded, and pulled him into a hug again before they headed to her front door. "Thank you, Kurt. I'll be there at 6 sharp, fully prepared for the night ahead." He made his way through the door and turned. "I wouldn't expect anything less." She waved as he got into his car, and pulled out of her driveway. Tomorrow will be a good day, she promised herself.

* * *

She curled the ends of her hair with military precision, and put on her sweetest smelling perfume. She had taken hours and hours to get ready, more than she ever had in her life before. She just had a feeling that it would be needed. As she scrambled to put on her shoes, whilst applying lip gloss and running down the stairs, (she was running later than she had first anticipated), she said goodbye to her fathers. They muttered something incoherently about how she shouldn't have too much fun, or else her Jewish ancestors would be turning in their graves, but she ignored them, and blew them each a kiss as she got into her car and pulled out the driveway. All of this rushing around, and her loud (but incredibly well-delivered) rendition of Don't Rain On My Parade in the car were pushing the niggling thoughts of Finn to the back of her mind. She needed to not think about him, she needed to be independent and just act for herself. However, she couldn't stop thinking about what Kurt had said. Did he really still love her? She still loved him.

She turned off her stereo, stepped out of her car into the cold Ohio evening, and slowly made her way up the drive to the Hummel-Hudson house. Her heart started racing, what if he answered the door? What if she had to see him first, what would she say, how would she act? She needed Kurt to calm her before she even looked at Finn. She dialled Kurt's number on her cell, but he didn't answer. She tried again, and a third time, but there was no response. This is how he must have felt yesterday, she thought, although this was a million times worse. She made her way into the porch, rang the doorbell, and stepped back. She plastered a smile on her face, just in case it was Finn who answered.

It was Quinn. Well, that was a weight off her shoulders. "Hey Rachel," Quinn said politely, standing back to let her inside, "Oh, Kurt said he wanted to see you in the kitchen as soon as you arrived, something about all the snacks burning." She smiled, and turned to walk away. "Thanks, Quinn." Rachel said, returning the smile. She shrugged off her coat, and made the familiar route to the kitchen. She couldn't smell burning. Maybe Quinn just wanted her out the way; she had thought that they were better friends recently, but maybe she was mistaken.

She spotted Kurt, head buried in the fridge, and she walked over and tapped on his shoulder. He turned expectantly, and then realising it was her, shut the fridge and pulled her off into the corner. "I overheard Finn on the phone to Artie earlier," he started, as if he had been keeping this in all day, "and he was explaining about how he really wants to talk to you tonight, but he doesn't know if you'll even want to see him, or talk to him, or whatever." He looked down at Rachel, wondering what was going through her mind. This couldn't be easy. "So, I just thought that, well, maybe I could create a diversion so that you two could, you know, have some alone time. Make sure nobody interrupts or whatever." Rachel felt like crying again. She didn't know what to do; of course she wanted to talk to Finn, to have some alone time, but what would it lead to? Something good, or just further proof to him that he shouldn't be with her? Kurt sensed her indecision and confusion, and grasped her hands. "Remember yesterday, when you said it would all be fine? It will. Do what you have to do. At 8 o'clock, I will get everyone to gather round in the living room or somewhere, and you can just be organising the food in here, and I will ask Finn to grab me a Coke or something. Sound like a plan?" Rachel nodded, against her better judgement, but simply grinned at Kurt, for she did really appreciate his want for both her and Finn to be happy. Together.

She stood nervously as the seconds ticked past, hopping from one foot to the other. It was 7:59. She expected Kurt's timekeeping to be impeccable, and he had ushered her into the kitchen only four minutes ago, so she knew he wouldn't forget. She heard footsteps, and her back straightened. Why was she so worried? It was only Finn, she had talked to him a million times before. This was different though, she knew that. She busied herself organising pieces of chicken on a plate, as the door creaked open. "Oh, hi Rach, I, erm, just, err, came to get a Coke for Kurt," he said, almost apologetically. His voice, she had missed it so much. And he called her Rach. Only he ever called her Rach.

She didn't know what to do, where to move, what to say. She just smiled, for she knew that would always work. Finn's heart ached as he saw the corners of her lips move up into that trademark grin. They both moved towards the fridge, brushing arms as they did so. Rachel quickly stepped back, shocked by the contact. She couldn't speak. "So, how are you doing?" He made the first move. She couldn't begin to imagine how much courage that must have taken; Finn wasn't usually the one to get the ball rolling. "I, I'm alright thank you. Are you?" She was being civil, making conversation. She couldn't tell him how she really felt; that she would be perfect if she had him. "I'm good," He smiled, feeling sorry for himself. "Well, I-I'm not really. I'm tired all the time, and I have loads of homework that I can't do because, well, you know why." She knew why. She helped him with his homework, and he literally couldn't look at a textbook without her there, ushering him on. She smiled again, and even managed a small giggle. They shared each other smiles, silently, before Finn spoke again. He was being uncharacteristically confident, Rachel thought. "The truth is Rachel, I miss you."

She felt like someone had just thrown a rock at her, the words hit her so hard. "That's why I'm always tired, I don't have your energy keeping me going all day. And I'm being really grumpy, and I can tell that my mom and Burt are getting really sick of me, but I don't want to be happy if I don't have the happiest thing in my life with me."

Rachel was stunned. She stood, staring at him, eyes wide and mouth hanging open. She could barely breathe, let alone form words. "God, that was cheesy," Finn exclaimed, unsure of whether to laugh or run for the hills. He willed her to say something, anything. "Rach, speak, please. This is the worst time ever for you to be lost for words. I would have preferred it many times in the past, if I'm honest." She laughed, and stared up at him. His eyes, she had missed them too. In fact, she had missed everything. "I miss you too, Finn. Of course I do. I just, I would have called you or something, but I thought that you wouldn't answer, because obviously I was awful to you and what I did was terrible, and you had every right to be really angry at me, but I just, I-"

"Rachel, shut up. You don't have to apologise. You just have to tell me how you feel." Finn smiled down at her, and watched in awe as she looked around, gathering her thoughts. She was so beautiful. How could he have ever been so stupid as to let her go? So, she hurt him. But he hurt her, and they were fighting when she made out with Puck anyway. It was almost the same situation last year when he and Santana, well, you know. He hated to even dwell on the thought. He wishes he had told her himself, instead of that bitch spilling the news in front of the whole Glee club. And Mr Schue. He was humiliated. Wait, so was Rachel! How could he even be thinking about what he went through when what was happening to her was so much worse. He remembered how pretty she had looked that day as well. He could not feel any more terrible.

His emotions were etched on his face, and Rachel knew what he was thinking. She was about to speak, but was interrupted by Finn, again. She wasn't sure if she liked this new confident Finn all that much. She couldn't get a word in edgeways. She laughed, inside, at the irony. "Rachel, I'm sorry. I need you. I want you back in my life, properly, like it was before. I, I lo-," Rachel placed a finger over his lips, and moved his chin down so his eyes met hers. "Let me talk Finn, please." He nodded, and vowed her to continue. "I was wrong Finn, I know that, I have always known that. I could apologise forever. But I feel the same way. I need you, it's difficult for me to even get up on a morning when I know that there is no chance of me seeing you during the day. What happened between us was stupid, and I have forgiven you for your small part in this matter, but I need to know if you will forgive me, because I wouldn't want our relationship to rest on this." Finn needed no persuasion. "Of course I have Rachel, more than anything. I love you."

He had said it. His heart skipped a beat as he waited for her reply. "I love you too Finn, so much." His eyes bore down on her, in the most adoring way, and he smiled that lop-sided smile that she felt she had been waiting for her whole life. She returned the favour, flashing her biggest grin, and she ran her fingers through his hair, and pulled herself up to his eyeline. He softly placed his hands on her waist, and held her, waiting for the right moment for their lips to reunite. As he leant down ever so slightly, and felt the skin of his nose brush against hers, the door opened.

"Oh, hello you two. This was certainly unexpected." Rachel let go of him, and stepped back, smoothing out her skirt. "Mrs Hummel, how nice to erm, see you." She grinned at Carole, the woman who she had grown so close to over the past few months. She had missed her too, she realised. Carole returned the smile. "Mom, what are you doing here? I thought you were over the road."

"We are honey, but I'm just popping over to get my purse. I left it on the table somewhere." She glanced around the room, spotted her large, brown bag on one of the chairs, and quickly picked it up. "Ah, there it is. Well, I'll see you guys later, then, won't I? Oh, what am I saying. Have a nice night, and erm, don't get up to anything stupid Finn, or else that Xbox will never see the light of day again." She left the room, closing the door behind her.

Rachel glanced back up at Finn, then headed for the door. "The others will be wondering where we are, we should, erm, go." Finn looked distraught at the prospect of not resuming their previous activity, but he followed her out the room without argument; he could never watch her walk away again.


End file.
